Thursday, March 08, 2012 | 11:40 PM
 Manchester trip was fun and for some reasons it kept me thinking on the bus journey back to NCL. But it's just a while. Never did I know it's the calm before the storm. I bought some food back for the them & babe. After that night, I'm sick & tired of trying. I don't get it, i've trying continuously but i've no idea what should I do now. It just makes me like some fucking dumbass. Seriously, I wonder what I done to make it turn this way. At least before you derive with a verdict, tell me what crimes I committed.
Just when one is down, the other arise. I uploaded the pics I took in Manchester & headed to take a nap. Next moment I was woken up by her text of canceling the trip. At first I thought her parents forbid her trip. The moment I checked my Facebook, I realized it isn't like this. She's not happy! I called up & it was her bf who picked up the call. He told me she wasn't happy, was jealous everything. I was so pissed and told her if she insist, go ahead. But after hanging up the call, I calmed myself down & was kinda regretted with my words & told her I wanna sort it out with her, a last try at the very least. Things still going on & off, but it looks better now and I hope everything stay where it is. But I gotta feeling i'm playing with fire, that I might burn myself anytime.
I wasn't been in good mood lately, though I hide it quite well. Luckily I haven't been seeing things that might trigger my tears out. Maybe i'm just naive to think that friendship is pure and fair in this world. But the fact is there's no such thing as reciprocity in friendship. Words are cheap, promises are empty. There's no anger but disappointment in my heart, and I called it regret cause I let it slip away from my hands. 
Saturday, March 03, 2012 | 8:17 AM
 Life is as usual. School from Mon to Fri, mostly rushing to go for 9am lectures, which kills me every week! Dread Tue & Thu but still goes on. Meet up friends for this & that. Do my homework. Research on my assignments & exam qns. Call my friends back home. Busy whatsapp my friends back home. Drawing on the app game non-stop.
Easter holiday is in 2 weeks time. I'm still very lost deep down inside. I wish I can use this holiday wisely & makeup for what I have lost previous semester. There are so much to catch up
I have so much to say. I wish I can tell Michelle, because she knows me well. I'm not trying to say that Jocelyn doesn't know me well. Just that I once opened up to her, and probably I feel comfortable opening up to her. But I've gradually changed, slightly mature, independent & discipline. But emotionally, i've wore out myself.
Lately, something happened. I've no idea is the case close? But I hope everything is fine by now. I shall see what will happen the trip down to Manchester tml. I do cherish these two friends & I hope things will be better.
Yesterday, Jie Ling texted me. It's like FINALLY! Omg, I miss her. And we chatted for more than 4 hours on the phone. It shows that I got so much to tell her, so much to share. Those were the days we always chat on phone at night & next day I'll have the dead face going to school. LOL~ Can't wait to see Jie Ling when I head back. Even though we hardly text but still I understand she's busy with her Final Year. The one who always make me vomit blood whenever I talk to her, actually cares about my health here. My Jie Ling indeed show improvement towards caring & concerning friend. Glad it pays off =)
The hidden meaning of T.I.R.E.D. Sometimes I really a shoulder, a companion to standby quietly by my side, a listening ear to listen to all sorts of my rants, & an advisor to guide me back to my path.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 | 4:22 AM
The Day...  The Night...  I wanna getaway. Definitely not because i'm stress or sick of school, but kinda wanna have a peaceful place to face myself, maybe a moment without phone. Looks like the only way to have a extremely short time for myself is when i'm walking to & fro to school. Simply love the slow walk to main campus or NUBS. Really gotta plan a solitary trip real soon... What about Brussel after exam?
Time passes so fast & right now it's gonna end of Feb. And soon, I'll be boarding my flight back home for the summer. There goes one year in university. Isn't that pretty fast? If only time slow down...
Are things gonna be the same? This time round, I swear I did cherish every single moment in my life. I've finally learnt my lesson so please do not deprive even the last thing I have been holding on tightly in my hand.
After going through so much, I have learn to holdback as much as I can. I will try to hide it as much as I can. I won't let anyone worry anymore. I wanna tell the world i'm trying my best to be a better, responsible, trustworthy, and definitely mature Bon. I know I never wanna be but this is how the environment force me to. It just shaped me when it's time.
Have been hanging out with Bixue lately with all the companions and cravings. What actually surprises, she can figure out the motive behind every actions I did. Yes! I admit I need more attention, love, care & concern even though I repeatedly saying I don't deserve to be loved. How can I keep telling myself that out there in this world, there are lots we really do.
Thursday, February 09, 2012 | 11:14 PM
For everyone knows I love eating mango for my entire life. Why will I choose lemon over mango all of a sudden? What so good about this lemon? It doesn't taste good for a fruit to consume by itself. It doesn't look good and so more. But it is good for health, good for cooking as part of an ingredient, just so good. Even so, how can I forsake mango for lemon that I hardly eat, that I hardly enjoy it as a fruit?
Irresistible inner beauty of a lemon... Can't stop a single second not thinking of lemon...
Monday, January 30, 2012 | 6:07 AM
It's been a month since I touched this. Exam's finally down. I'm glad but on the other hand, I doubt I did well. Reason being, I blamed myself for not putting 100% effort in it. I always tell myself to put in 101% in it, but sometimes the moment you step out of the hall, you know you could have done better.
But let bygones be bygones, learn from mistakes, remember this well in your mind, and promise never let yourself regret anymore.
And for this, I'm really gonna change. I'm determine to change. No more the one who plays everyday, hangout for socializing everyday, wasting my free time and let things happen on it's own. I know those descriptions aren't what I want. And apparently i'm trying hard to fit to everyone's demands. Someone almost perfect in everything. Give me a least half a year, I'll try to be someone different.
My CNY this year wasn't good, never feel the love, the family, and the warmth. There's something going on back in Singapore, so it terribly affected my entire mood for my exam, my CNY, my entire world. Totally lost and wanna give up everything to rush home but I know I can't and I'll never let anything come between things that will affect my future. This year CNY, i'm not there. I can't talk much to her and I've no idea how's her life. Has it been always busy like usual or did she give herself a break she deserve? I didn't really talked to her ever since my departure. I told myself to take more initiative to call up, but she fail and disappoint me. I can't blame anyone because i'm just stubborn. Stubborn kills me! I know I will need to go back during my summer and I definitely avoid staying long or even chances of seeing her.
Life in NCL has been fine. I appreciate having Jocelyn by my side. Thank god, there's her. Because i'm trying very hard, very hard. It's time to stop thinking.
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